Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
