watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
