The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
