There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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