Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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