imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
