I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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