They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
