Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
