Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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