I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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