apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I enjoy the company of your penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
