well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
