Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
