I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
