The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Everyone says I win the strip club
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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