Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
