i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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