I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
