I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
