I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
