You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
