mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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