I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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