Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
