I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
