Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
