i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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