did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
