so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
