never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
