he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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