Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
