I am in a vortex of obligation.
my shit smells like andre
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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