Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
