please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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