were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
