you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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