Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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