it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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