I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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