I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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