Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think your dad took our porno
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
