if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
try to milk me bitch
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