i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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