remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
