I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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