he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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