I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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