Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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