all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
