Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize