apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
