dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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