I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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