Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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