seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
