Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
