so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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