Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
