I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
