I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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