You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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