I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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