just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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