Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
