I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
