i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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