I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
