i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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