Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
