Your tits are I can't wait for
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
