everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
