well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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