Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
