i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
