I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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